Dag yo
I have been terrible about posting on this thing, partly because over the past few months I have done school non-stop, and partly because I have been going through an intense season of struggle. A month ago, I started Recovery at the Village for nicotine addiction. I realized I had an addiction, and that I didn’t just really like it, after I was caught by my wife with some Snus (kind of like dip but not really). You see, whenever I would give into temptation, I would hide it, lie about it, and hope that Jen wouldn’t press me on it. The idea was to lay low and not give in for a while, and THEN confess to it. The motivation for this was due to some trust issues Jen has.
This is how insane the sin cycle truly is: I was going to confess once I, by my works, was good enough for a long enough period of time. I didn’t was to confess right away and be honest with Jen because she has trust issues, essentially making myself untrustworthy in the process. There is no gospel in that thought process, and certainly no obedience to God.
So now I am in the thick of the recovery process. Right now I have to take inventory of all my sexual misconduct (which was a HUGE problem for me in highschool/college but, by the grace of God, has been mortified substantially) explaining what I did, who it affected, and how it effected them. After that I get to deal with my anger, bitterness, and resentment towards any people, groups, or institutions that have hurt me. Yeah. It’s good stuff.
But it will be worth it once I am able to be free from the addictions and hangups that keep me from fulfilling my purpose, namely being satisfied completely with God through Christ, and relying upon Him for life and breath and everything.
