From whence do my affections flow?
I have been haunted by the question posed by John Owen, namely the source of my affections for Christ and the occasions by which those affections well up within me. Owen gives an extremely thorough treatment of the topic in The Grace and Duty of Being Spiritually Minded. I am only two three chapters into his treatise on religious affections, and I can honestly say that I am not sure whether my affections for Christ are stirred up within me from a source of living water, or if they rise out of a pool of stagnate water, forced up and out by the pressure conviction brings. If the former, they flow from a spring of living water bubbling up into eternity, if the latter, they rise when the preached word impacts the wickedness of my heart, causing the spray of affections for the things preached to soar, only to fall back to the pool of sin.
I know this sounds, bleak, but it’s reality. Genesis tells us that the thoughts and imaginations of men are constantly wicked always, and from this it seems impossible for the honest and pure love for Christ to flow from such a source. Paul writes in Philippians that Christians “are the true circumcision, who worship by the Spirit of God and glory in Christ.” The means by which they worship is the Spirit of God, who is the source of living water, and the source of our love for Christ and our glory in him. It is not based upon works, as it is with the Pharisees, but it is a movement of the Holy Spirit, and the affections are not tossed up to the glory of Christ by the pressure of conviction and duty, but rather out of a natural overflow of the principle placed in us by God.
It is question of nature, whether I am indeed born of God, by His grace, or if I am still in the flesh, with my mind set on evil always. Tough stuff, and it’s ok to question. I want my love for Christ to be mine- not a result of conviction, but a part of who I am.
