Recovery
I’ve been going through my inventory, specifically the resentment and bitterness portion, and I realized just how bitter I truly am. At first, as I was writing, I was dwelling on the event that took place, justifying in my heart why I was feeling the way I was. I quickly realized, though, that as I was writing these events that hurt or threatened me, I wasn’t writing sins committed against me, though there were injustices done, but rather I cataloging my own sin. We are admonished not to let the root of bitterness take hold in our hearts, because where there is bitterness or resentment, there cannot be love. And if we are to love our enemies, bless those who persecute us, and not pray for those who seek us harm, we haven’t a chance in hell to do these things from the heart if there is any trace of bitterness towards them in our hearts.
It is terrifying how much the flesh longs to hold on to past offenses. The corrupt nature that we are all partakers of seeks any reason to hate and any occasion to stoke the fires of its wrath. That’s exaclty what I was doing. Sure I can say that I have forgiven them, but I enjoyed telling what they did to me a little too much. It brought me satisfaction sharing how they hurt me. But the new man in me, born of God and being transformed into the image of Christ, longs to be free of these resentments. There are several that seem to be the most prominent in my mind, and they are not directed at one particular person. They are directed at the American Church as a collective whole. And so, this is my letting go:
American church, I have harbored intense resentment towards you for too long, and for too long this resentment has defined me as a person. I have spoken poorly of you, I have told of your shortcomings with gladness and have been quick to criticize your foci. I have scorned your teaching, hated your singing, and passed judgement upon you with no grace. I am so sorry. You are the bride of Christ, and I have treated you like trash. Though now you are broken and tarnished in an of yourselves, you are made beautiful in Christ. You have been washed with the water of the Word, made clean by the blood of the Cross, and adorned with a white dress without spot or blemish. I have held resentment in my heart towards you, and it has bound me, keeping me from loving you, praying for you, blessing you, speaking well of you, and working with you for the sake of the glory of God. Lord, please take thise, release me from its hold by the power of the Holy Spirit, and fill me with love for your bride. I am sorry for treating her so, help me protect her, by your power and your wisdom.
